“It’s freezing and snowing in New York — we need global warming!”

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me — and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

“I know words. I have the best words. I have the best, but there is no better word than stupid.” (BIGLY?)

“My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.”

“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”

“You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.”

“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

“When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy.”

“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, [Republican rival Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: ‘If they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”

“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”

“I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.”

“Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn’t know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a Hillary flunky who lost big. For the 100th time, I never “mocked” a disabled reporter (would never do that) but simply showed him “groveling” when he totally changed a 16 year old story that he had written in order to make me look bad. Just more very dishonest media!”

“We are going to have an unbelievable, perhaps record-setting turnout for the inauguration, and there will be plenty of movie and entertainment stars. All the dress shops are sold out in Washington. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.”

“An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud”

“Any negative polls are fake news, just like the CNN, ABC, NBC polls in the election. Sorry, people want border security and extreme vetting.”

“Ariana Huffington is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man — he made a good decision.”

“My Twitter has become so powerful that I can actually make my enemies tell the truth.”

“I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

“I’m just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election and just give it to Trump, right?”

“The point is, you can never be too greedy.”

“One of they key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”